New Mom Old Mom

Being pregnant at 40 offers me some perspective that I didn’t have when I was pregnant with my first two children (in 1995 and 1998).  That perspective has been particularly helpful in the area of baby merchandise. 

One of the first things people asking me when I announced this pregnancy was, “Did you keep anything?” Well — I kept the baby furniture (thought I’d want it for grandkids someday).  I also kept the saucer, stroller and pack-and-play (which were helpful when my nephews visited).  Other than that,  I didn’t keep anything save for a few articles of clothing that I stored in a box labeled “clothes I cannot part with.” 

One wise neighbor with three very young children of her own told me that when you have children later in life, you realize that all you really need is a crib and diapers.  I love that concept, but it’s probably over-simplifying things a bit.  Still, I haven’t been tempted to buy as many gadets, pretty accessories, or other non-essentials just because the “baby marketers” say I need them. 

Yesterday, a friend asked me what I need.  So, I decided to make a list of items that I think are “must haves.” Maybe in a future post, I’ll write about the items that will be “helpful or fun, but not necessary.” 

Here’s my list of must-haves:

Nursery bedding -  (already ordered it from beyondbedding.com -  http://www.beyond-bedding.com/boutique-french-toile-sage-designer-crib-baby-bedding-nursery-set.html)   I did discover that all the cutesy stuff that I found so adorable as a younger mother just wasn’t working for me as a 40-year-old who has defined her decorating style a little more.  So, this sage greenFrench toile was a perfect option for me. (Did I mention I’m having a girl?)

Swing — I know how helpful these can be with babies who are comforted by them, but I also know how short-lived their usefulness can be.  So, I bought an adorable one at a resale shop called “Once Upon a Child” http://www.ouac.com/ouac/myheadline.asp?S=7322&P=4225&PubID=4339  I got it for $50, and it retails at target for $139. http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/sr=1-1/qid=1185303488/ref=sr_1_1/601-0297648-8284971?ie=UTF8&asin=B0001IU5HY

Breast Pump - I nursed the first two until they were 12 months and 14 months, and plan to nurse this one. I love it.  It’s one of the best parts of being a mom.  But a good breast pump is essential.  I’m still shopping for one.  I had a simple Medela model back in 1995, and it had its limitations.  And I recently saw an ad for a new Playtex model for under $100.  I’m hoping they’ve drastically improved over the years. Any advice?

Infant Car Seat - Bought one with two bases from a friend. It’s dark in color, which I think is essential, since so much gets on them that they’re impossible to keep clean. But, I’m pining for one of those stroller/carseat combos.  I just can’t justify the expense, since I still have my stroller that is in all but perfect condition. Plus, I wonder if it’s worth it, since they outgrow the infant car seats, but don’t outgrow the stroller.  Again, I’d be open to thoughts.

Jogging Stroller — as a distance runner who has completed two marathons and who plans to be back to training within weeks of birth (I hope/pray), I will definitely need a high quality jogging stroller.  I had a “lower quality” jogger with my first one, and a decent quality double jogger when I had Baby No. 2, but this time around, I hope to get a delux model.  Of course, babygirl won’t be able to “jog” with me until spring, so I’ve got a few months to research this item.

Baby Monitor — boy are there tons of these to choose from these days.  I don’t know where to start, and may end up buying one used.  I think I could do without one if I still lived in a ranch-style house, but with a two-story that includes a finished basement with my office a treadmill, I think this will be an essential.  Graco, Fisher-Price and Safety 1st seem to dominate this market, and I’m guessing they’re comparable.

Baby Miscellaneous

• infant gowns (much more user friendly at 2 a.m. than sleepers); binkies (I had one thumb-sucker, and will try to avoid it if possible);
•  a few soft, cuddly blankets (I’m partial to Gymboree — http://www.gymboree.com/shop/dept_item.jsp?PRODUCT%3C%3Eprd_id=845524445967648&FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id=2534374306231082&bmUID=1185304783755&productSizeSelected=0 I love the feel of them, although I recently visited an online site that offered Carter’s blankets (which have a similar feel for less money) http://www.bugaboopark.com/product.php?pid=1118  
• cloth diapers (for burping, messes, NOT for wearing.  I did the cloth diaper thing for a few weeks back in 1995.  NOT doing it again –ever!)
• baby music (tapes or CDs to play and sing along with during the bedtime routine.  I really think it helps establish a routine that can soothe a baby, and it’s easy to take that part of the “routine” on the road, making travel much more enjoyable. I had a tape that I loved years ago with all the baby lullaby classics, but I can’t find it, or a tape-player to play it in. So, I’m in search of some new baby CDs with a similar songlist)

I’m sure I’m forgetting lots of things, but these are the items that come to mind right now.  I welcome any thoughts/advice on this must-have’s list.

Well, I’m 3 1/2 months from my due date, and today I decided that the right thing to do was to tell my company that I’m not planning to return to work after my maternity leave.  I was a little nervous, because I knew that being honest about this decision would mean that my company would not have to extend maternity leave (short term disability) benefits to me.  But, I felt that in the long run, being honest would work in my favor.

 My plan is to return to my freelance writing career.  It’s how I made a living after the birth of my first child (now 12) and my second (now 9).  In fact, it was a great gig.  I know it will probably take some time to re-build my contacts and network of clients, but I also believe that being honest with my company will assist in that process.  I used to freelance for my current employer, and I hope to do so again.

 Turns out, my vice president assured me that we’d handle the paperwork in such a way that my benefits would remain in place.  And she really appreciated my giving her enough time to plan for my replacement.  I suspect that my decision will result is a lost bonus (we get bonuses in December, and I’m due in late October), but in the long run, I’ll easily make that money up through referrals from what I hope will be a grateful former employer.

Thankfully, my decision to return to “stay at home momhood” after the birth of this baby wasn’t a difficult one.  When I made that decision the first time around (12 years ago), it was tough. I wasn’t sure where I’d fit in; I worried that my husband and I would grow apart because I wouldn’t have anything interesting to contribute to conversations; I thought my professional friends would lose respect for me, and I didn’t really know any other SAHM’s. My fears were unfounded, but it did take me some time to adjust to the role.  I joined a fabulous group, which at the time was called F.E.M.A.L.E. (Formerly Employed Mothers at the Leading Edge).  Now the group is called Mothers & More http://www.mothersandmore.org/AboutUs/history.shtml.  It was a great organization that really helped me embrace my “season” at home. 

 Now, I’d love to find a group for “older moms,” since I think I would feel rather aged among the many playgroups and SAHM’s organizations.  Anyone have any suggestions?  Then again, who knows? Maybe I won’t have time between being the taxi driver for my older children and caring for a newborn. 

I started this blog for a lot of reasons. One of those is that I find myself in a somewhat unique situation — I’m 40, and pregnant (by choice) with my third child.  My first two are ages 9 and 12, so I was, in many ways, on easy street.  In fact, for many years, my husband and I believed we were done on the baby front.  But over the last few years, I felt a tug to return to the world of baby powder smells, nursing, diapers, receiving blankets, etc.  Okay, I admit it — I wanted to be needed like only the mother of a newborn is needed.  (or the mother of a toddler, preschooler, etc.)

So, in 2007, I became pregnant with my third (I’m due in October) and I turned 40.  I’m just over halfway through this pregnancy, and while I’m not one of those women who loves being pregnant, I’m trying to do it a little differently this time.  I’m older and wiser, and I know how fast it goes.  It really seems like just yesterday that my 12-year-old was giving me her first smile, saying her first word, or taking her firs steps. 

 In this blog, I hope to write about parenting, pregnancy at 40, preparing for a new baby while also managing the busy lives of a “tween” and an active boy, and then, come October, being a new mom and an old mom, all at once.