Archive for Older children

Bothered by Correspondence from the School

March 30, 2009 · Filed under Older children, School · Tagged , , , , , , ,

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I received a letter in the mail today from my daughter’s middle school that really bothered me.  Here is the text of the body of the letter in italics and my thoughts on each section:

Our records indicate that your child has been absent 5 excused days this semester. 

Note the word “excused.” She missed three days for her participation in swim meets and two other days for family travel or  illness.  This is a kid who attends swim practice six to eight times per week, sometimes getting up for 5:30 a.m. practices before school and then returning to the pool for 5 p.m. practices after school. This is a kid who has time management skills that some college students haven’t achieved. This is the same kid who voluntarily stayed after school a few weeks ago to do an algebra review with her teacher because she was going to miss the in-class review due to an out-of-town swim meet.

Regular attendance is a significant factor in student acheivement and success at school. As you know, your child needs to be in the classroom to benefit from daily instruction. Research has continually shown the correlation between attendance, achievement and student learning. 

Really? My daughter has been recognized all three years in middle school for having a 4.0 GPA at the end of the first semester — including this year. She takes all challenge courses and is in an advanced/compacted language arts course. The lowest GPA she has achieved for any given quarter is 3.75.  Her standardized test scores typically land her in 99th percentile in language arts and in the high 90’s in all the other subjects. She took the ACT last year as a 7th-grader and scored a 21 without having had any high school language, math or science courses.  I am not worried about her achievement or student learning — at least not at this point in her education.

We do realize that student illness and family emergencies may prevent a child from attending school. However, we want to make you aware of the number of school days that your child has missed.

My understanding of district policy is that the absences wouldn’t have been marked as “excused” if I hadn’t contacted the school about them. Therefore, of course I AM AWARE of the days she has missed. So why was the letter really sent?

Rockwood School District Policy states that any absence in excess of eight days in one semester will require further home/school communications. This is initiated through our district social worker. Our district social worker can provide a variety of resources and assistance as necessary.

Is the school REALLY threatening the intervention of a social worker for a straight-A student who has never had any discipline problems at school, who is recognized for her grades and other school achievements, and who certainly contributes in a positive way to the school’s averages on the standardized tests? And what are these resources and assistance that she might need? Perhaps they could be utilized by a student who needs them?

We appreciate your support as we work together for your child’s education. If you have any questions, please call the school office . .

cc. Student File

cc. Counselor

I love the cc info at the end! In other words: “This is going in YOUR FILE!”

I promptly fired off an email to the school’s administrators. The gist of that email was what I wrote above, plus this:

“We certainly value her education and place a high priority on school. But we also think learning to manage her time in such a way that she can maintain a 3.8 to 4.0 GPA and still spend 12 to 16 hours a week in the pool is a good life skill.”

Plus, I requested that a copy of my email be attached to the letter that is “GOING IN HER FILE.”
I love our school district most of the time. My children are receiving a quality education most of the time. But there are certainly some wasted minutes spent in the classroom and there are certainly some valuable, very educational minutes spent outside of the classroom.  Don’t get me started on the physical education thing. Until this year, my daughter had to make up PE classes she missed by staying after school and jogging around the track. Her two hours a day in the pool wasn’t allowed to count. But that’s fodder for a different post.
This letter was ridiculous. I recognize it might have been generated by some automatic computer program that flags a student when they reach five absences. But it was signed by hand. It seems to me that a letter suggesting the need for intervention by a social worker should have been reviewed individually by the administrators and compared to a student’s overall record, not just her attendance record. If that had been done, I doubt the letter would’ve been mailed or “PUT IN THE FILE.” At least I hope that’s what the outcome would’ve been.

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Baby Talk Stirs Memories

March 30, 2009 · Filed under Baby stuff, Nursing, Older children, Toddler Stuff, Uncategorized · Tagged , ,

My baby (17 months) is starting to really talk. She’s stringing words together and her first sentence was a question: “Where’s Papa?” She asked this every morning while we were in Florida two weeks ago and her Papa was still sleeping.

Now, she uses the same phrase for her sister, brother, Daddy and me. She’s also started saying the word “go” with a question emphasis. If she drops something, she holds her hands out and says “Go?” She also says:

  • “side” when she wants to go outside
  • “Duicy” when she wants juice
  • “Paba” for peanut butter (a favorite food)
  • Cheese
  • “Mo” for Elmo
  • “Bop” for Baby Bop
  • “Dude” to greet her brother in the morning
  • No
  • “Shym” for Gym
  • Mine
  • Toes
  • Eye
  • Nose
  • “Beddie” for belly

One of the many joys of having this baby is getting to relive and reminisce these fun times with my older children. Hearing her say “mine” reminds me of my son’s first use of the word. He was completely MY baby until he was about 3-years-old and he was very possessive of his Mommy. My DH used to tease him by putting his arms around me and saying, “My wife.” So, my son responded by hugging my legs and saying “Mine ife.”

Similarly, the baby’s desire to go outside constantly reminds me of my teen’s toddler days. She often used what my husband refers to as “Jedi mind tricks.” She’d repeatedly ask us questions that she wanted us to ask her. “Want to go to the park? Want to go to the park? Want to go to the park?” Finally, we’d say, “Do you want to go to the park?” And she’d say, “Okay,” as if it was our idea and we were twisting her arm.

Just before falling asleep last  night, my husband and I were talking about what an adorable child this baby is, which led us to discussing favorite memories about the other two kids. I remembered bringing my oldest to our bed in the early morning hours to nurse, and then waking up several hours later with her sound asleep between us, her blond curls sticking to her head and her fat little fists tucked up under her chin. I remembered my husband carefully, excruciatingly slowly lifting my sleeping son from our bed and trying to transfer him to his own crib. The instant he felt the emptiness of his crib, he’d begin wailing and I’d eventually give in and bring him back to the curve of my body.

I’ve said it before and I’ll write it again — it’s all going way too fast. It went too fast the first two times, and even though we’re more careful to live in and relish the moments this time around, those moments seem to move at warp speed.

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Eating right and personal responsibility

March 10, 2009 · Filed under Older children, School, Weight · Tagged , , ,

I love my YMCA and have written about that fact here. One of the small things I really like about my Y is this  nice little coffee area where you can get free coffee with flavored creamers, a French vanilla cappuccino or a hot chocolate. After working out, lots of Moms visit in this area for a brief time, sipping coffee and enjoying the peace while their children are still occupied in the nursery or hub. I also see seniors using this area for the same purpose (minus the kids in the nursery part), as well as business professionals, people engaging in English tutoring, parents attending kids sporting events, etc.

I was dismayed to find out last week that the Y is going to remove the  cappucino machine and hot chocolate, and is getting rid of the flavored creamers. Apparently, someone thinks it’s not right to have such “fattening” temptations at a place where health is emphasized. Seriously?

I can understand not putting out bowls of chips or dishes of M&M’s because that does send the wrong message. But have we really reached the point where people cannot be responsible enough to limit their intake of free cappuccino, hot chocolate or flavored coffee creamers? How much of this stuff would you have to consume to negatively affect your weight loss goals or healthy living resolutions? And if there are people at the Y who cannot manage this temptation, what in the world do they do when they leave the Y? Shouldn’t we be teaching folks more about moderation and personal responsibility?

Then yesterday, my son comes home from school complaining that he took some Girl Scout cookies for snack that day and his teacher wouldn’t let him eat them because they don’t qualify as a healthy snack. Give me a break! The stuff that qualifies as healthy is ridiculous. You can take bag of “cheese crackers”  that are full of preservatives, fake cheese, fat, sodium and more calories than I should consume at an entire meal, but two Samoa Girl Scout cookies (containing 150 calories) is off limits. Again — where is personal responsibility?

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Mean Girls

February 13, 2009 · Filed under Church, Faith, Older children, Uncategorized

We’ve all experienced mean girls.  And most/all of us have probably been mean girls at one time or another (or another, or another). Today, I got to listen to an amazing lecture on the subject of “mean girls” that really got to the heart of the matter for me as a mother.

As I’ve mentioned, I’m currently doing the Beth Moore Bible study, “Esther: It’s Tough Being a Woman”. During today’s video lesson, Beth (if you do one of her studies, you come to think of her as a friend and start calling her by her first name) really shared some insightful things about meanness, many of which were Bible-based. Some of my favorite thoughts were:

  • Meanness always has a history.
  • There is nothing meaner than a coward.
  • Meanness catches like a virus and we can spread it down from generation to generation or horizontally to those with whom we come in contact.
  • We are most likely to compare ourselves to someone we perceive as a threat.
  • Insecurity is at the heart of every rivalry.
  • Coming in contact with a mean girl raises up your own mean girl. (Can I hear an AMEN!)
  • Meanness is curable. Dont’ repay evil with evil.
  • Be nice to your mean girl. Don’t serve her or bow down to her, but be nice until her heart sears with conviction.

Okay — if you can’t relate to EVERY one of these sentiments, wisdoms, facts — whatever you want to call them — then you don’t have two X chromosomes. But there are probably a few that really strike a chord. For me, it’s the “coming in contact with a mean girl raises up your own mean girl.”

When I became a mother, I thought I’d inherently develop a tenderness and protection toward all children. And for the most part, that’s what happens — unless said child does something to one of MY children. Whoa! I did not know I could have such evil thoughts toward someone who hadn’t even reached puberty until a wicked little second-grader spread her meanness to my first born many years ago. My husband wasn’t even sure he knew the woman who expressed those somewhat-violent fantasies with him.

That’s why I was so thankful to hear Beth talk about a similar reaction in relation to one of her daughters and a nemesis. It’s helpful and healing to know that we’re not alone and that “coming in contact with a mean girl raises up your own mean girl.”

Still, that doesn’t excuse us when we act like mean girls, and it doesn’t excuse us when we simply have “mean girl” thoughts. So, I prayed for forgiveness for any mean girls thoughts I’ve had recently and not so recently. And I’m sure I’ll have to do so again – and again, and again. How about you?

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A Small Lesson in Letting Go & A Note on (and to) Phelps

February 7, 2009 · Filed under Older children, Swimming, Uncategorized · Tagged , , ,

My 13-year-old is out of town right now at a swim meet in Texas, and she’s having some “bad” swims. She’s adding in almost all of her events, and she went to this meet expecting at least a few best times and maybe even one new sectional cut in an event in which she was only 1/2 second off.

Needless to say, she’s very disappointed and she sounds rather sad when she calls. (We didn’t go to this meet because we’ll be traveling for sectionals next month and all this travel gets very  expensive).  I hate it that I can’t be there to comfort her, but I know she’s growing up and has to learn to handle these things on her own.  Truth be told, she’s probably handling it just fine and it’s me that’s having the harder time with it.

I told her today to keep her chin up and remember that she has a TON more swims in her future. One bad meet does not define a swimming career. Her coach can help her figure out what needs to be emphasized in practice in the coming weeks as she starts getting ready for the big meets ahead.

On another note: I was interviewed (and quoted) by ABCnews.com about the Phelps/marijuana  situation and how swim moms are reacting to it. There are a lot of comments on the article about how “swim moms need to relax” and “don’t be so critical of Phelps” and “realize that someday your kids might make a mistake” (duh!) and “you’ve probably made mistakes” (double duh!), etc, etc. For the record:

  • I am absolutely certain my children have and will continue to make mistakes.
  • I have absolutely made mistakes myself. 

I’m not actually being very critical of Phelps and in fact praised his handling of his mistake and his apology (that part of the interview wasn’t quoted in the article so I’m putting it below).

Here is a summary of the rest of what I said:

I don’t think most swim moms want to crucify Phelps — just the opposite. As swim moms, we at least understand the sacrifices he’s made to get where he is in the sport. (And I KNOW he didn’t ASK to be a role model. Most role models DON’T ask for that role). I, for one, am glad he “owned” his mistake and apologized. That, in itself, is a good lesson for our kids: Admit when you’re wrong, say you’re sorry, accept your consequences with grace and move on.But we would be doing our children an injustice to not address the issue, and the Phelps situation presented a teachable moment for parents. Like I said to the reporter when she interviewed me for this story: we’re all faced with choices all the time. And when you’re young (and sometimes even when you’re a so-called “grown-up”) it’s easy to overlook the potential consequences of a bad choice until it’s too late. Think about it: the greatest athlete in the world and a national hero forgot to “play the tape to the end” in his mind before acting. Sometimes bad choices just mean a 3-month suspension and public humliation. Other times, bad choices can be lethal. That’s the message we need to send our kids.

Mr. Phelps — we admire your amazing athletic talent  in our household and hope this is an isolated incident from which you have learned and from which many of our children can also learn. Like I told my daughter this morning in light of her bad swim meet — keep your chin up!

 

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Snow Day

January 27, 2009 · Filed under Baby stuff, Fun Stuff with Kids, Older children · Tagged , , , ,

My baby was impressed with the white stuff on the grass outside the window today, and in short order, was demanding (by banging on the window by the front door) to go outside.

We had a few snows last winter, but she was too little to experience them. So, this was her first real snow. She did great until I was busy taking video of my son sledding and I neglected to see that she’d done a face-plant into the snow (something I DIDN’T get on video). That pretty much ended her fun, but here’s a video/picture documentary of her first snow experience.

Her snowsuit is one of the items I saved from my older daughter. I absolutely  loved it and couldn’t part with it once DD had outgrown it, so it was placed into the box labeled “clothes I can’t part with.”  Now I’m so glad I held onto it.

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The Pinewood Postulate

January 25, 2009 · Filed under Older children · Tagged ,

My son participated in the Pinewood Derby this weekend.

jan-24-2009-001

It was his fourth year doing so, and he did a little better than the three previous years. His car –  a “Hummer” – took second place in all four of his heats. But his best time was a 2.59. Apparently it takes at least a 2.4 to advance to the “finals.”

He and his Dad worked for several weeks on his car. They started right after the first of the year so they wouldn’t be rushed. They did a great job, and you can see from this video that my son was pleased when his car was racing.

Still, he and my husband wanted something other than the “also ran” trophy that they’ve gotten each year. They came home rather dejected Saturday night, and I gave my usual speech to my son: “You’re lucky your Dad does this with you each year. It takes a lot of time. Some Dads won’t do this. Some Dad’s aren’t around to do this. Think of the poor boys whose cars were made by their Moms. Or worse — were made by the kids themselves. And remember – the kids who win each year have Dads who are engineers and who work at Boeing. These guys make airplanes fly, son. You’re not going to build a car that can compete against that.”

So that’s the essence of the Pinewood Postulate, I think: The Pinewood Derby cars are made BY the Dads, and in some cases, the Pinewood Derby is FOR the Dads.  Am I allowed to say/write that? I hope I’m not letting some big secret out of the bag. :)

I’m proud to say that my husband doesn’t really fall into this category. Yes, he handles the majority of the “engineering” for the car – but he does let my son help a ton. And he let him do even more of it this year. And he wants the car to do well because he doesn’t want my son to be embarrassed. (I don’t think he wants to be embarrassed, either.) But I DO think there are a lot of Dads at this event who are seriously competing. I bet their sons can’t wait until they grow up and get to make a Pinewood Derby car, too. (I crack myself up).

But seriously, I think this is a great event, because even if the Dads do most of the work on the cars, the actual race day involves some serious Dad/lad time and the boys have a blast. The whole thing takes about four hours, and it is pure pandemonium. The boys literally run wild for about four hours in whatever school the Scouts have managed to secure. Like every Boy Scout event I’ve ever attended, it is extremely loud, appears to be very unorganized (although it usually isn’t unorganized) and it seems like any minute, someone will be headed to the ER for stitches.  I learned the first year to have my husband keep me posted on my son’s race number, and I show up for about 30 minutes to socialize and see the race. That’s the part of the Pinewood Postulate I love: the Pinewood Derby is FOR THE DADS.

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A lesson in forgiveness

January 21, 2009 · Filed under Older children · Tagged , , , , ,

My son is 10 years old, but sometimes he acts wiser and more mature than I do.

A few nights ago, in my continuous effort/desire to get “on top of” the housework and laundry, I went into his room to get his laundry basket out of his closet. He was taking a bath, and had put his jeans and sweatshirt on his bed and not in the laundry basket. (I learned later that he wasn’t done with these clothes.)  So, grumpily, I emptied his pockets of his retainer case and and his Ipod case. Then I grabbed the clothes, went downstairs and promptly threw them in the wash.

He raced downstairs about five minutes later wanting to know where his jeans were. I said, “I already emptied the pockets. I put your retainer and Ipod on your bed.” Then he told me the Ipod wasn’t IN the case. It was in his pocket.  Somehow, I missed it. Dang small Nano’s.

As I fished his sodden Ipod out of the wash, I proceeded to rant and rave about why wasn’t the Ipod in the case, and how tired I am of having to bring down laundry, and how overburdened I am, etc. etc.  I told him this wasn’t his fault and that I would replace the Ipod. I also told him I was sorry, but I wasn’t very genuine about it. I was mainly sorry that I have to spend $150 to replace the thing.

About 15 minutes after my “tantrum,” my kind-hearted son came over, gave me a hug and told me “I forgive you.” He even wrote me a note to the same effect. I felt like a jerk. Plus, he’s being understanding about waiting for his replacement until I can fit it into the budget.

He’s had this current Ipod Nano for almost 14 months, and he had his first Ipod Nano for two years. His Nana bought both of them for him, and when she got him the first one, he was barely 7 years old. I NEVER thought he’d be responsible with it, but he was. He never  lost it, and he didn’t leave it in his pocket except when he planned to put the jeans back on and go out and play again.

I hope the next time something of mine gets broken or ruined, I can be as kind and forgiving as my son.

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Grace in the Small Things project

January 21, 2009 · Filed under Baby stuff, Grace in the Small Things, Older children · Tagged , , ,

 

I’ve decided to participate in a “365 Days of Grace in Small Things” project because I think it’s really healthy  and helpful to remind ourselves of the things for which we should be thankful. So, I’m going to start posting a list of two or three (or more) things that have graced my life, either on that day or at any time in my life.  Feel free to join me. You can get the cool badge you see above here.

I suspect it may take me more than a year to complete 365 posts of thanks, because sometimes life just gets in the way of blogging. So, when the 365 Days of Grace category in my sidebar shows 365 posts, I’ll consider it a success.

Grace List (these things aren’t such small things, but they’re a great place to start):

  • A wonderful husband who rises at a dreadful hour each day to support his family.
  • A cool teen who is growing into an amazing young lady.
  • A kind-hearted son who is a lot like Dad.
  • An amazing baby who is keeping me young and makes me smile.

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New Sectional Cut (without the Blue Seventy)

January 11, 2009 · Filed under Older children, Swimming · Tagged , , , ,

My daughter got her sectional cut in the mile this weekend. She swam the race in 18:38:something (I can’t remember the last two digits and it’s not posted as of this writing.) She was about 3 seconds below the cut, which is 18:41:59.

There’s been some controversy about the Blue Seventy racing suit she wore when she got her first sectional cut in the 100 back. I wrote about that here, here and here. So, I thought I’d write about the fact that she DIDN’T have it on when she swam this weekend.

Getting a sectional cut in a Nike Hydra!

Getting a sectional cut in a Nike Hydra!

Unfortunately, after she got the cut in the mile on Friday night, she didn’t do too “swimmingly” during the rest of the meet and had some significant adds in her other races.  She was disapointed in her performance, and I had to remind her that one year ago, she didn’t even have a zone cut, much less four sectional cuts. (Funny how we always raise the bar for ourselves, isn’t it?) Besides, it’s her coach’s job to be disappointed with her, to talk to her about swimming tired and to point out the work she’s going to have to do to improve her turns, etc. It’s my job to be proud of her and to help her enjoy her accomplishments.

Anyway, back to the Blue Seventy. I think some of the controversy regarding the suit is waning. I’m glad.  The whole issue was silly, in my opinion. Fortunately, I’m aware that opinions are like . . . (well, nevermind).

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