March 1, 2009
· Filed under Church, Faith, Safety, Uncategorized · Tagged Beth Moore, Bible study, courage, Esther, Faith, fear, God
Before I became a mother (the BM years), I had my share of fears. My biggest fear was that my husband would be killed in a plane, car or helicopter accident. I couldn’t imagine life without him and the thought that he could be taken from me suddenly made me frantic. Sometimes his job requires him to ride in a helicopter, and I still insist that he call me before going up and immediately upon landing (I have a reasons for my helicopter issues, but that’s for another day). My point is, I thought I knew and understood what real fear feels like.
Then I became a Mom. And my ability to experience fear increased a hundred fold. I know all Moms harbor some form of the same fear — fear that something will happen to one of their children. Okay, let’s just say it — fear that one of their children will die. That’s even hard to type.
I could write pages and pages about the way this fear has caused me to behave or the decisions this fear has influenced in my life. But that’s probably not necessary. Here’s a a very condensed, brief summary:
- I’ve passed on many offers of help with the kids over the years out of fear.
- I skipped a trip to Scotland, all expenses paid plus some spending money.
- I’ve driven many more miles than necessary to avoid letting the kids ride in a car with other people.
- I’ve made my kids miss opportunities to spend time away with grandparents to avoid letting them ride in a car with someone else or in a plane without me (as if my presence on a plane will keep it in the air).
- I’ve made my oldest say no to weekend trips at a lake with friends, again out of fear for her safety in a car and a boat with another family.
I think it’s probably normal to have this fear as a mother. I mean really, what Mom has not worried about this at one time or another? But what I learned this week is that letting this fear control me isn’t only unhealthy, it’s damaging to my faith in God and it may even stand in the way of my destiny or the destiny of one of my children. That’s huge.
I’m currently doing Beth Moore’s Bible Study on Esther. This week’s session focused on fear. Here are some things that I heard, learned, loved, felt convicted by and wanted to share during this week’s lesson:
The most frequent command in the Bible is “Don’t Be Afraid.” – There must be a good reason for this. God doesn’t want us to be afraid and He commanded us NOT to be afraid.
- You can be brave, even if you have an entire history of “chickendom.”
- Courage comes from a heart that knows it is loved.
- Conditional trust (i.e. trust in God as long as He doesn’t allow our worst fear to become true) leaves us in the tight fist of fear.
- Courage isn’t the absence of fear, the knowledge that there is something more important than fear.
- We will never be fearful in a situation in which God won’t offer us courage if we will accept it.
- You may be one brave decision away from the most important turn in your path/destiny.
I’m not saying that as a Mom, I should act irresponsibly or take my role as a protector of my children less seriously. I’m not saying that there aren’t times when I should prevent my children from doing certain things because I consider those things to be unsafe. If a friend or neighbor has a history of bad driving or driving under the influence of alcohol, then I should not allow my children to ride with that person. If another Mom doesn’t supervise her children effectively, then I shouldn’t allow her to watch mine. If I think a social gathering will involve more peer pressure or exposure to inappropriate activities than I think my teen is ready to handle, then I’m responsible for blocking her access to that social gathering.
But I AM saying that I’ve got to let go of the idea that I can control everything when it comes to the safety of my children. And I’ve got to let go of a fear to which I am often a slave. It is time that I trust God more completely and trust Him less conditionally.
I’ve prayed a lot this week for courage — courage to let go more and courage to trust more. So far, it’s been a “freeing” experience.
February 13, 2009
· Filed under Church, Faith, Older children, Uncategorized
We’ve all experienced mean girls. And most/all of us have probably been mean girls at one time or another (or another, or another). Today, I got to listen to an amazing lecture on the subject of “mean girls” that really got to the heart of the matter for me as a mother.
As I’ve mentioned, I’m currently doing the Beth Moore Bible study, “Esther: It’s Tough Being a Woman”. During today’s video lesson, Beth (if you do one of her studies, you come to think of her as a friend and start calling her by her first name) really shared some insightful things about meanness, many of which were Bible-based. Some of my favorite thoughts were:
- Meanness always has a history.
- There is nothing meaner than a coward.
- Meanness catches like a virus and we can spread it down from generation to generation or horizontally to those with whom we come in contact.
- We are most likely to compare ourselves to someone we perceive as a threat.
- Insecurity is at the heart of every rivalry.
- Coming in contact with a mean girl raises up your own mean girl. (Can I hear an AMEN!)
- Meanness is curable. Dont’ repay evil with evil.
- Be nice to your mean girl. Don’t serve her or bow down to her, but be nice until her heart sears with conviction.
Okay — if you can’t relate to EVERY one of these sentiments, wisdoms, facts — whatever you want to call them — then you don’t have two X chromosomes. But there are probably a few that really strike a chord. For me, it’s the “coming in contact with a mean girl raises up your own mean girl.”
When I became a mother, I thought I’d inherently develop a tenderness and protection toward all children. And for the most part, that’s what happens — unless said child does something to one of MY children. Whoa! I did not know I could have such evil thoughts toward someone who hadn’t even reached puberty until a wicked little second-grader spread her meanness to my first born many years ago. My husband wasn’t even sure he knew the woman who expressed those somewhat-violent fantasies with him.
That’s why I was so thankful to hear Beth talk about a similar reaction in relation to one of her daughters and a nemesis. It’s helpful and healing to know that we’re not alone and that “coming in contact with a mean girl raises up your own mean girl.”
Still, that doesn’t excuse us when we act like mean girls, and it doesn’t excuse us when we simply have “mean girl” thoughts. So, I prayed for forgiveness for any mean girls thoughts I’ve had recently and not so recently. And I’m sure I’ll have to do so again – and again, and again. How about you?
February 6, 2009
· Filed under Church, Faith · Tagged Beth Moore, Bible study, Church, Esther, regret
Like most people, I have things in my past that I would gladly erase. But I try not to dwell on those things, and really believe there is value in the advice that says “Do not regret the past, nor try to shut the door on it.”
I got some help with my attitude in this area yesterday. I’m currently participating in the Beth Moore Bible Study at my church, “Esther: It’s Tough Being a Woman.” This is the second Beth Moore Study I’ve done, and while we’re only in week two, I can already tell it’s going to be a great one. I plan to share some of the great things I learn in the study here, and yesterday included these gems from Beth’s video lecture:
“You cannot amputate your history from your destiny. Never forget what God dragged you out of. Your past and your future share the same root.”
I was inspired by those words and I hope you are, too.
December 23, 2008
· Filed under Church, Uncategorized · Tagged Christmas, Church, Jesus, Mary, memories
Like a lot of people, some of my favorite childhood memories involve Christmas. It’s a magical time when you’re a child — the excitement of waking up on Christmas morning, getting out of bed and racing to see what Santa left under the tree. I remember those agonizing moments that seemed like hours when we had to wait for my mom and dad to brush their teeth, put on their robes, brew the coffee and get their cameras ready before we were allowed to emerge from the hallway and see the payload. I remember the drink and wet doll, the Barbie Townhouse and Barbie Airplane, and the Pong video game system. I remember decorating cookies and skipping school one day each December to go to downtown and see Santa at the Christmas display in Famous-Barr.
Although those are special memories, some of my fondest Christmas memories have taken place during my adult years. I remember the bittersweet feeling of leaving my fiance in South Carolina to come home to St. Louis and spend one last Christmas with my family as a single woman. I remember thinking the Atlanta airport was the loneliest place I’d ever been when I was waiting for my departing flight that holiday season. And I remember the extreme excitement I felt as I made my connection through that busy hub on my way back to Easley, S.C., knowing I’d never spend another Christmas away from the man who became my husband a few months later.
I remember just one year later, our first Christmas together as husband and wife — living unexpectedly back in St. Louis. I remember thinking it was one of the coldest December’s I’d ever known, but my blood was still very thin from living in the South. I think the thing that made me the happiest that year was hanging a Hallmark “Our First Christmas” ornament on our tree. That ornament — complete with a picture of us looking MUCH younger — hangs on our tree today.
Of course, I fondly remember our first Christmas as parents. Our DD was almost nine months old at her first Christmas. I remember shopping for that “perfect dress,” and putting a Fisher Price dollhouse and a few other toys in layaway at K-Mart. But the holiday took on a whole new significance for me that year. I’m a Christian and always believed the Christmas story. But for the first time, when I heard the Christmas story, I really thought about Mary. The song “Mary Did You Know” describes the thoughts that formed in my head as I held my own baby that Christmas. And I’ve returned to those thoughts every year since. Did she know? And if she did, was she able to experience the same joy at becoming a mother that I experienced all three times it happened to me?
I’ll think of Mary and her baby, Jesus Christ our Lord, again tomorrow as I celebrate Christmas Eve with my family at our church. I’ll also try to remind my children why we’re celebrating and creating memories that I hope they will one day look back upon with joy and happiness.
What are your fondest Christmas memories?
December 10, 2008
· Filed under Baby stuff, Church, Safety, Uncategorized · Tagged blessings, car accident, carseat, Christmas, holidays, perspective, stress
While driving my baby to Mom’s Day Out yesterday, I wrecked my minivan.
I was driving around a curve on Strecker Road in Wildwood, MO, when I encountered an SUV coming the other direction that had crossed the center line. I swerved to the right to avoid the SUV, and my right front tire went off the road. I swerved to the left, overcompensated, lost control and my minivan went careening across the road, between a tree and telephone pole and into the ditch.
I found out today that the van is totaled. You can’t really see the damage in the picture because it’s all on the driver’s side, but the glass broke out of the windows on that side, the roof buckled, etc. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that my baby was completely unharmed (she was in back on the passenger side in her Britax Marathon carseat) and I only suffered some minor stiffness last night.
The accident could’ve been a lot worse. The van could have rolled as we went down the embankment. I could have hit the tree or telephone pole head-0n. My baby’s carseat could have been on the driver’s side, which likely would’ve resulted in at least cuts and scraps from the branches that came into the van when the glass broke. Suffice it to say — I think Jesus took the wheel. I’m thankful and feel very blessed, once again.
Several times in my past, something or someone has helped me put the holidays in perspective. Two years ago, we got an amazing Christmas letter from a neighbor whose husband beat a terrible form of blood/bone cancer. When I read it, I took a deep breath, counted my blessings and vowed to try to appreciate the holidays as much as their family appreciates them. Last year, I got an heartfelt letter from a friend who is raising three kids alone after her husband died from cancer the previous January. Again, it reminded me to cling to those I hold dear and not sweat the small stuff. Almost 10 years ago, one of my husband’s co-workers died in a car accident right before the holidays and just months after she’d married the love of her life. That one made me realize how important it is seize happiness and joy when it’s in front of you.
While my car accident isn’t nearly as dramatic as the above-mentioned events, it did help me adjust my attitude.
- There have been some people who have really gotten on my nerves and under my skin lately. (Insignificant)
- My house isn’t as clean as it used to be. (Totally insignificant)
- I’m not done shopping. (I’m lucky to have money with which to shop)
- Money is tighter. (My husband is employed, I’ve got freelance work and I’m not having to choose between food and heat)
- My van is totaled and we may only get enough money from insurance to pay it off. (We have insurance and my DH was GREAT about the accident)
I am truly blessed. My three amazing kids and my husband are upstairs sleeping, which is where I’m headed when I’m done here. I will say my prayers of thanks before I close my eyes.
